Today has been the second day with new people, at new studies, a begining of a lot of changes. Obvious, I want to make myself stronger, stop pulling myself back. I want to prove for myself and others that I am able to do, to be more then I show. But the fear resists. It is something with that fear. Me, I can´t understand it. Is it all the people I am afraid of? For myself? Or that thoose humans are going to hate me? It might be all this suggestions? Almost the only thing we have been doing i my new class is to introduce ourself to each other infront of the whole class. Today for maybe the fifth time I was still afraid. When I talked loudly, so everyone could hear all I saw was blurred. My legs felt funny and out of control. The air I breathed was cold and dry. When my last word was said did my heart beat so hard , I believed it would hit itself out of my chest. My eyes started watering. I became breathless. Waited to pass out.