I was just talking to my uncle about life in general. The themes life and future came up. I´m young and have my whole life in front of me. I´m very aware of that. I´m also very careful not to mess up my future my life.
It is now I need to make my choices. Who I will be. I got the feeling I can be everything I want to be, I just have to make up my mind. I´m not very comfortable in that feeling. Picture yourself having a large table with everything you like chocolate, avocados, coffee and so on, and you can only choose one. One of those things you love the most.
I love so much of things. I got to many dreams. By having many dreams gets your heart broken. All of them can’t go through, therefore will more of them be destroyed.
So what are my dreams? I don´t know where to begin. I have so many and can´t pick one. Some people says Tell the one that you always have in your mind. That one you are thinking about the most. That´s the thing. I would say I have thought about them for the same amount of time.
So many are telling me that I am creative. I can paint. I should be an artist. That is what people are telling me. And that is one other thing that breaks me down, because that is the one thing I cant think of being. A painter, an artist. The reason of that is: Painting, drawing is my hobby. My believe is: You should never have your hobby as your work. I think I would get tired of painting, because I must paint or else I got no money. I don´t want that.
As I said, I have many dreams. I´m able to do so much. But what should I do?
If I want to do something, even something I for the moment are really bad at, I know I can do it. I know if I really focused on writing a book, I could do it. If I want to be a doctor, I can be it. These two things are somethings I want. I want this blog to work, but I haven´t been able to put down time so my blog would show the result I really want, because right now am I feeling Is this the right thing to lay my time on? Or should it be the “book”, “medicine”, “music” or whatever. These thoughts are locking me in. They kind of stress me out.
So after these long rows am I now telling you about what my uncle and I was talking about. I have dream to be in the entertainment business. I have had a dream sense I was little to be an actress. I have actually never told anyone about it, because I am feeling so stupid. Actress. How many gets far in that profession? Not many. Almost only good looking people. There my hope sinks a little bit. I have stage fright. There my hope sinks a little bit more. But I love standing in front of my class, evan though I am almost passing out. It just feels right afterwards. I love it. (Staying in front of my class is kind of the only “stage” thing I am doing) Anyway I put being an actress beside because I know I wont succeed. (This make my heart cry) But for barely a year ago I met a new friend who have the passion and really want to be an actor. It´s almost I can say I don´t like it, because he has brought my dream back to the table. My mind is twisted.
If you have managed to read all the way. Please help me. I need encouragement. I want your thoughts.