I have some kind of dilemma. Or at least something that bothers me. A lot. You might know that I live with my aunt and her husband. I live in the centre of the city and feel like I belong here. I have my own room, with all of my things. I am close to everything, my school, cafés- everything I need. I have lived here for almost two years now. I have built up my life here. My aunt and her husband has a cottage a few miles outside of the city. It´s located on a very beautiful place, and I understand them, that they prefer to live out there.
My problem is that- Here have I tried to built up a life as good as I can. I feel that it´s hard to do that when you are a teen and you take as much freedom as you possibly can. I am on my trying to be an individual, without being able to truly decide for my own. Anyway, here in the city do I feel like home. It feels like home. I don´t feel uncomfortable doing my projects here- if it so might be painting, drawing, studying and so on. I can do those things in their cottage, but I don´t feel home there. NOT AT ALL. I know how much they love being there. And I truly hate to stay there. It feels just like I´m waiting for to go home. I do not feel comfortable. I sleep during my time there and think of everything I could have done If I was home. In the city.
They lived much in the cottage last summer. I got to sleep at home. It was so good, because I could do so much. I didn´t have that constant anxiety in body for not being able to do something that I like. But now is my aunt forcing me to go with them to the cottage. And I feel some kind of anxiety going there, because my time there is just dead hours. The cottage is there life, not mine. For me not feeling able to let my creativity out there, it feels like a prison. I just needed to tell someone how I feel, because this is really stoping me in my everyday time.